I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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