I think my vagina is haunted
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
