I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
