Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
