I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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