He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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