We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
