Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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