You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
this is an emotional support booty call
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
