you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
