i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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