We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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