He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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