all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
