I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize