just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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