I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
