Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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