I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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