Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
