i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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