Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
