awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize