He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
