Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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