It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dicks are not precious.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
