ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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