i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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