Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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