A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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