OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
