Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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