so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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