This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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