porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
