you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
