he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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