Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
