i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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