Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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