first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
