She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
