Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
