Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
