Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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