we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
