Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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