the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
