This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
