did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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