Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
