I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
