Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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