You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
