in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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