do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
