I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
