dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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