remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
