There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
