id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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